I hated being pregnant. Not all of it and not every day, but enough of it, often enough, that ‘hated’ is the honest word for it. I was sick for sixteen weeks. I was exhausted in a way that felt like illness. My body felt occupied by something I had invited but couldn’t ask to leave. I was supposed to be glowing.
I didn’t glow. I cried in a Sainsbury’s car park because the smell of petrol made me retch, and then I cried because I felt guilty for not enjoying the experience of growing a human being.
The gap between the narrative and the experience
Pregnancy occupies a specific cultural position: a blessed state, a privilege, a time of wonder and connection and beauty. The bump photos. The glowing skin. The tender hand placed on the abdomen. The rightness of it all. This narrative is real for some women and some pregnancies. It is partial or false for a significant number of others.
Approximately 70–80% of pregnant women experience nausea, and for the 0.5–2% with hyperemesis gravidarum, it’s a medical emergency involving hospitalisation, IV fluids, and weeks of inability to function. Even ordinary first-trimester nausea — present 24 hours a day for 12 weeks, not just in the morning despite the name — is genuinely difficult to live inside. Round ligament pain, heartburn, sciatica, SPD, insomnia, swollen ankles, breathlessness at 32 weeks while trying to bend down — these are real physical experiences that don’t map onto the narrative of radiant womanhood.
The other things nobody says
Pregnancy can feel like loss of bodily autonomy. Your body is doing things you didn’t choose and can’t control, at a pace you can’t influence, on a timeline you don’t set. For women with histories of trauma, eating disorders, control issues, or simply a strong sense of physical self — this loss of agency can be profoundly difficult. It’s not ingratitude. It’s an honest response to a real experience.
Pregnancy can be frightening. The possibility of miscarriage, the scan findings, the blood tests, the waiting, the statistics — fear is a completely rational response to a period of significant vulnerability. Being told to ‘relax and enjoy it’ while carrying a fear that something might go wrong is advice that misunderstands both the biology and the psychology.
Pregnancy can feel alienating in your own body. The changed shape, the changed relationship to food and smell and movement, the visibility of the bump and the public comments it invites — for women who had difficult relationships with their bodies before pregnancy, this period can be genuinely hard.
You’re allowed to not enjoy it
Loving the baby you’re carrying and not enjoying the physical experience of carrying them are not in contradiction. You can be profoundly grateful for the pregnancy and wish it would end faster. You can be counting down weeks not because you don’t want the baby but because you want your body back. You can say honestly that this has been one of the harder things you’ve done and mean it without shame.
The performance of glowing joyful pregnant womanhood serves no one — not you, not the other pregnant women who believe they’re failing because they don’t feel that way, not the midwives who need to hear the honest picture to support you properly.
When difficulty warrants support
Depression during pregnancy (antenatal depression) affects approximately 10–15% of pregnant women and is frequently under-recognised. If low mood, anxiety, or despair is persistent and severe — not just discomfort with symptoms but a sustained inability to function or find meaning — please speak to your midwife or GP. Antenatal mental health is treatable and support is available. You don’t have to be in crisis before asking.
When difficulty in pregnancy warrants support
If your distress during pregnancy goes beyond discomfort into feeling unable to cope, having thoughts of harming yourself, or finding the days unbearable, please speak to your midwife at your next appointment — or before it. Perinatal mental health services support women during pregnancy as well as postpartum. Your GP can refer you, or you can self-refer to many IAPT (Improving Access to Psychological Therapies) services. The Samaritans are available 24 hours on 116 123 if you need to talk to someone now.
Related Reading
- Morning sickness remedies: what actually works (evidence-based)
- Mum guilt: why you feel it and how to stop letting it run your life
- Pregnancy symptoms week by week: what’s normal when
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