This is for the parent reading this at whatever hour it currently is, with a baby who will not stop crying, who has now been crying for weeks, and who is beginning to wonder whether they are going to survive this.
You are going to survive this. Here is what I want you to know.
What you’re actually experiencing
Colic — prolonged, inconsolable infant crying in an otherwise healthy baby — affects approximately 1 in 5 families. The clinical definition is more than 3 hours of crying per day, more than 3 days per week, for more than 3 weeks. The lived experience is: a baby who cannot be comforted, a parent who has tried everything, and an accumulation of helplessness, despair, and exhaustion that is genuinely one of the most stressful experiences in early parenthood.
Studies measuring parental stress during infant colic find cortisol levels comparable to acute crisis events. Research on shaken baby syndrome shows that sustained infant crying is the primary trigger in virtually all cases. This is not to frighten you — it’s to tell you that your distress is proportionate. The fact that you are searching for words rather than doing something harmful means you are managing this correctly.
You have permission to put the baby down
If you are at your limit — if you are frightened of what you might do, if your anger has moved from frustration to something that feels dangerous — put the baby in their cot and walk to another room. Close the door. Stay there for 5 minutes, or 10, or until you feel the acute intensity pass. A crying baby in a safe cot is not being harmed. A baby with a parent who has lost control is at risk.
Putting the baby down when you need to is not abandonment. It is the responsible thing. It is the thing the health visitor will tell you to do if you call them right now.
The things that have evidence (and the things that don’t)
With evidence: Lactobacillus reuteri DSM 17938 probiotic drops — multiple randomised trials show approximately 50 minutes of daily crying reduction in breastfed colicky babies. The 5 S’s (swaddle, side/stomach position for holding, shushing, swinging, sucking) applied in combination and with intensity matching the baby’s distress. Car rides. White noise at volume matching the baby’s crying level. Passing the baby to a different, calmer person.
Without reliable evidence but also without harm: simethicone (Infacol), gripe water, bicycle legs. Try them if you want. Don’t expect transformation.
The timeline you actually need to know
Colic peaks at 6 weeks. Not ‘6 weeks after it starts’ — 6 weeks of age. By 12 weeks, the majority of colicky babies are dramatically improved. By 16–20 weeks, essentially all colic has resolved. If you are in the 4–8 week period right now: you are at the worst of it. The direction of travel is improvement. It ends.
Tag out
If there is another person in your life — partner, parent, friend, neighbour — who can take the baby for a sustained period (not 20 minutes; a few hours), ask them. Text them now if it’s not the middle of the night. Say: I’m struggling and I need help. You will not regret making that request.
If you’re beyond managing
If you feel you are a danger to your baby, call 999 (UK) or 911 (US) or take the baby to a safe person immediately. If you feel you might harm yourself, the Samaritans (116 123 in the UK) are available 24 hours. Postpartum mental health crisis lines exist in most regions — your GP out-of-hours service can direct you.
These are not dramatic overreactions. These are the appropriate responses to a genuine emergency. You are not weak for needing them. You are human.
You are going to survive this. It ends. I promise.
Related Reading
- Colic in babies: what it is, what helps and what doesn’t
- Sleep deprivation as a new parent: science-backed coping strategies
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